{"id":7,"date":"2025-06-20T12:03:36","date_gmt":"2025-06-20T10:03:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/cms\/?page_id=7"},"modified":"2025-06-23T17:07:56","modified_gmt":"2025-06-23T15:07:56","slug":"home","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/","title":{"rendered":"Home"},"content":{"rendered":"

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For the inappropriate moments<\/h1>\n

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life\u2019s a bitch, just when you thought it could not get any worse it did
such immaculate timing, sure wish you could close that leverage\u00a0\u00a0
rather than soil your under pants
buy FTC today<\/p>\n

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It\u2019s Never Too Soon
Make Sure you have spare underware at all times<\/h2>\n

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Wealth Management<\/h4>\n

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at the Federal Trade Commission we got your back. erm, actually we dont have your back, accidents happen and we aint the FTC<\/p>\n

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Investments<\/h4>\n

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your investement is safe with us, clearly not financial advice, or FA (feck all) as they say, pamp it, you will be glad you did<\/p>\n

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Retirement Planning<\/h4>\n

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yes, sers or whatever, we are with you every step of the way. what better cough.. investment cough.. could you make in having a shit load of useless FTC tokens<\/p>\n

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Evolving with Monitoring and Rebalancing<\/h2>\n

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rebalance your life priorities. monitor your backup underware for freshness and cleanliness, you will never know when you going to need it.<\/p>\n

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Crafting Your Ideal Fund Selection<\/h2>\n

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what a lie, they are all after those fiats you spent countless hours slaving to acquire. here at FTC all you need is clean underpants and a stack of Fart Touched Cloth coinz.<\/p>\n

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farts dont have to be scary<\/h2>\n

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a spare pair of underwear is not going to bog you down, hodl FTC today and build for a bright future *<\/span><\/p>\n

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soiled underpants not included<\/p>\n

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21 wtf could go wrong st, ibadan, nigeria<\/p>\n

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+234 70 809 012 345<\/p>\n

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fckoff@farttouchedcloth.xyz<\/a><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_blurb][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,1_3,1_3″ _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/cms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/06\/ftc.png” title_text=”ftc” _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”927a16b2-26ee-408f-970b-92ab3ed5c6ff” header_5_text_color=”gcid-aca0a2e8-0de7-4ce9-88ea-510d38e23681″ custom_margin=”||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{%22gcid-aca0a2e8-0de7-4ce9-88ea-510d38e23681%22:%91%22header_5_text_color%22%93}”]<\/p>\n

FTC<\/h5>\n

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choosing a Certified Fart Planner (CFP) is as personal as picking a crypto advisor promising to 1000x your net worth via a token you’ve never heard of. and just like trusting someone with your seed phrase, it\u2019s a relationship built on trust and farts dont do it<\/p>\n

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Life Advice<\/h5>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]get help<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]respectz your elders<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]dont be them<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]carry spare underware<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”]goalzzz<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.21.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”927a16b2-26ee-408f-970b-92ab3ed5c6ff” header_5_text_color=”gcid-aca0a2e8-0de7-4ce9-88ea-510d38e23681″ locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{%22gcid-aca0a2e8-0de7-4ce9-88ea-510d38e23681%22:%91%22header_5_text_color%22%93}”]<\/p>\n

What to Avoid<\/h5>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]sneezing too hard<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]trusting a fart after eating hot chilli<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]running when you have diarrhea<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]laughing hysterically at your neighbour<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” link_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” custom_margin=”||10px||false|false” locked=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”]getting stuck in traffic<\/a>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.22.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.22.0″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.4″ _dynamic_attributes=”content” _module_preset=”b42c8315-c000-4e02-b482-acfd9d4c9da9″ text_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.7)” text_orientation=”center” custom_padding=”||18px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”]@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoiY3VycmVudF9kYXRlIiwic2V0dGluZ3MiOnsiYmVmb3JlIjoiQ29weXJpZ2h0ICZjb3B5OyAiLCJhZnRlciI6Ii4gRmFydCBUb3VjaGVkIENsb3RoLiBBbGwgUmlnaHRzIFJlc2VydmVkLiIsImRhdGVfZm9ybWF0IjoiY3VzdG9tIiwiY3VzdG9tX2RhdGVfZm9ybWF0IjoiWSJ9fQ==@[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the inappropriate momentslife\u2019s a bitch, just when you thought it could not get any worse it didsuch immaculate timing, sure wish you could close that leverage\u00a0\u00a0rather than soil your under pantsbuy FTC todayIt\u2019s Never Too Soon Make Sure you have spare underware at all timesWealth Managementat the Federal Trade Commission we got your back. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-7","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":127,"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7\/revisions\/127"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/farttouchedcloth.xyz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}